That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
