Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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