sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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