just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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