I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
