my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
