My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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