awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
