I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
