Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
