I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
