she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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