You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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