and you said cock pushups were impossible
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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