we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
