I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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