Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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