Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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