wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
