At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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