I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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