so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
