i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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