Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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