those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
