i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the condom got lost in my hair
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
