1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
