Need sex. Gaining weight.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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