You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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