here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
