Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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