never play flip cup with pint glasses
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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