Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
