I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.