Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
