GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.