I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
