how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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