Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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