nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize