ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
