So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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