I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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