Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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