The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
