One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
