apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
