gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
