So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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