He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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