I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize