My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Two words: nipple clamps
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