I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
