She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
