The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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