I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
