Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
