This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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