I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
